I say this sincerely. Yo have not tried! You kissed her, yes. You hugged her, yes! you helped her become a ‘better’ person, well okay. All of these acts are lovely but they do not come close to what you can do if you truly wanted to. I guess I should start by elaborating on this trying business I keep blabbing about. If you liked this woman the way you say you do. If you thought she was a good woman, and is the one you can see yourself with. If you believed the words that you keep repeating, “she is a friend I never want to lose” then you would do everything in your power to keep her. Which you are. BUT she is actually in love with you. You love her too. This seems perfect right. Except you love her only when it suits you. You love her half-heartedly. You love her to your convenience. You love her when you gain something. She is losing so much (well she claims). You are not losing anything. You gain whenever you feel like it. You kiss when ever you feel like it. You go out when it pleases you. You are public when its convenient for you. You act like a couple when you its to your benefit.
The sad part of it all is that you have every right to be like that. No one deserves to be in a relationship when they do not feel ready. You deserve to love the way you feel necessary. You deserve to choose the way you live your life. This is safer and probably less stressful for you. The idea of being committed when you are not ready is both ridiculous and irrational.
However all I’m saying is you can not claim to have tried! You have not dived. You have not allowed yourself to love her, without hesitation and without doubt. You have not taken her the way she is. You have tried to make her better to best suit your taste. You have not loved her the way she wants to be loved. You have constantly been safe in the relationship. You are in control, and she has lost it all. You have’nt let your guard down. YOU HAVE NOT TRIED.
Again the sad part of it all is that thats safer. Once you try: you risk losing her, forever. you risk being hurt. You risk your friendship. The memories, the laughter and all that you shared will be dead and gone. UNLESS it actually works out and you would be the happiest you have ever been.
JUST NEVER SAY YOU HAVE TRIED!