#cozy

Brunch or usual suspects? Whatever it is, I have fallen in love yet again. You are my exhale. I feel restored and I know I’m closer to my true self. Your words ring true and they bring me back to my original comfort zone. A place where I felt unstoppable and ready. I will not give you all the credit! I too have been searching for the her I know I was born to be. She favors success over sleep. She blossoms with a simple thank you. She prays to see her mother’s tears of joy. She yearns to be needed and loved. She worships those that elevate her. Stay with me good sir! I need your charisma, I need your drive and the lord knows I want your touch. For me it’s not even about what you say or what you have, but rather what you know you are capable of. You said you owe it to those who believe in you and I had an orgasm. A mental orgasm where everything made sense. Then, you reminded me of who I am. You woke her up. The woman who only reaches for perfection, the woman who defines strong. The woman who is about action! A dreamer at heart and a lover in nature. I miss her and sometimes I wonder if I have even met her. Here is what I know to be true. You might not last. I might not get the privilege to be called your woman… But I will use you to build her! I will use you as an example of who I need to be. I will beat you at your own game because I will do it with grace. I will believe in exhale! I will believe in being cozy and I will take several sips of wine. I will meet King and I will recognize the magic and worship him. I will use you to get abs and a promotion 😀😀. I will use you to feel alive again. I will treasure you as my secret.

 

Exhale

img_0183He is as refreshing as a glass of water in a blazing afternoon. He held me in ways I never thought were possible. He grabbed me with his lips and with his hands he kissed my cheeks to the moon. I fell in love with an exhale. Will he pass? Stay with me good sir… even if it’s for a day. Let me pull your hair to a fantasy. Stimulate my head and let me explode to the Safari.

HUSBAND

First I want to say thank you for choosing me. Thank you for praying enough. Now congratulations! You have done what many would regard as the impossible, you have fallen madly inlove with Ntombikayise Bronwin Msubo. Today is the 23rd of October 2016. I am sitting up on my bed in Jefferson City Missouri. I just thought writing a letter to you might be therapeutic. But I have decided that I will write a continuous letter to you till the day we meet. This will be continuously updated for your pleasure and for my peace of mind. I love you and I am praying for you.

COMFORTER

Dear healer. Dear comforter. I salute the builder in you. I come before you, broken and hungry. I come to you yearning and empty. I know God exists, and I know God is love. The light in me shines for others but fades as fear overwhelms my heart. I use to say I fear ‘love’ but truthfully I despise the loss of what is dear. Right now, at this particular moment I declare before no one, that I am falling for you. I need your ability to make me smile without saying a word. I love the idea of space but yet I fear the barriers that are born of it. Wherever you see a bridge I see a barrier. When you see the rainbow I quickly dwell on the idea of how devastating the next storm will be. You strive in silence and I destroy in silence. Comforter heal my wound. Make it better so I can smile with my eyes without folding my fist. Help me rest without pills.  Love me your way!

Paranoia

“a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others.” Literally a few hours without communication and she is already planning a self pity party. Dear goddess, you are as gorgeous as all of them. You are worthy and interesting enough. Do not worry for he is aware. He knows everything that happened yesterday for he was also present. Do not forget of the warm kisses of the past. Dare not erase the stares and giggles of yesterday. Please do not ruin this love. This love is young and fragile. With no good foundation it may easily collapse. Sleep ohh dear one and dream about the ocean breeze. Cuddle yourself to a bigger more comfortable place. Where all things are safe and permanent.

I fell in-love AGAIN!

He feels like home and tastes like my mom’s cooking. I smile with my eyes and giggle more often than usual. I am falling for the power he does not have. I am falling for the control that I have with him. I am still in control of who I am and what I want. I am wide awake and moving forward. I am away and longing. He feels familiar but I have doubts. I wonder what he is here to teach me. I believe that every interaction and every relationship serves a particular purpose. I am looking forward to sitting down by myself with music or sunlight and reflecting on my growth. The sad truth is I am already giving us an expiration date without even starting the journey. Is this how damaged I am? I am praying for a healer. I am searching for a strong shield and wishing for safety. I need something safe and permanent.